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Jehova's Supplements

I know you're all quite web-savvy, and I don't have to tell you about Bible Bars, but are you aware of the breakthrough science of intestinal ozonation? Clicking that link will also remind you that oxygen is obtained by breathing, and that you can't get more by drinking a liquid with oxygen dissolved in it. And thank goodness for that, or else we would get higher carbon dioxide levels from drinking soda pop and everyone would die every time they drank a can of coke.

But House of David is also selling Bible Bread, which is advertised only as "unleavened" and "tasty," and they don't inply that it gives you superpowers, so I'm tempted to try it. Not that I don't want superpowers, but I if a company suggests to me that their product will give me superpowers, who knows what other weird lies they may be telling? Jesus, there could be scale insect excrement in there (scroll down about 2/3 of the page to find what Exodus 16:14 has to do with scale insect excrement)

But royal jelly gives the queen bee her superpowers, right?. But if it worked, why wouldn't it catch on, and then everybody would have superpowers? That would be cool! And all it takes is some bug barf! But it doesn't.

But I have no right to beat on these people and their bizarre taste for insect cack, and their belief that they are better than everyone else. After all, every culture on earth eats some nasty crap that no one else would touch (want some haggis? sheep's eye? cheese? roasted cockroach? scrapple? bird's nest soup? uncooked fish?) and thinks they are better than everyone else (exhibit A: all of human history). To be honest, I have mixed feelings. I covet their whole grain snacks, but I distrust their belief in magic pills and ingested oxygen. But no one is holding a gun to my head and making me buy these things, or look at their website. Besides, if they were, I wouldn't be afraid--because I have superpowers. I got them from fermented grains.


The Urban Pantheist

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October 2014


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